Sweeter than Chocolate
by WhitePhoenixRyoko
Summary: Kisame likes chocolate. Not that Itachi's ever cared or thought much about it. That is, until that fateful night when the eldest Uchiha brother finally snaps. Oneshot crackfic. Contains major OOC and yaoi of the ItaKisa sort featuring UKE!Kisame.


**WARNING: Contains lemons, 4 a.m. crack, extreme OOC, and ItaKisa (Itame, ftw) featuring UKE!Kisame. Proceed with caution...HEYS!!! DO YA HATE YAOI AND/OR ITAME WITH A BURNING PASSION??? DEN DUN'T READ. IF YA DO ANYWAYS, DUN'T GIMME YER CRAP. IF YA DO, PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR FLAMES DELETED. I DUN'T CARE.**

See, dis is why I shouldn't stay up late gettin' sugar high off Smarties, Tic Tacs, and Hersheys Kisses. **I GO NUCKIN' FUTS.** And turn out crack like this. **WHILE LISTENING TO CARAMELLDANSEN ON j00TUBE.** And getting inspired by various Itame pics on DA. Jus, dis be my first Naruto fanfic. Jus, I typed dis sometime around 4 a.m. on New Year's, and am _very_ proud of how it's turned out. Jus, I am currently very, very, _veryveryvery_ sugar-high and tired. Jus, I have just added Itame to my harem of favorite pairings. Noes, my account isn't dead. Yet. But my DeviantArt account is active as a roomful of bunny wabbits (/shameless spam attack no jutsu LAWLZ). Seriously though, I'm terribly sorry for not being very active on here for quite a while. Really, I have lots of ideas for and bits of fanfics written down all over the place, but am currently cought in the grips of yet _another_ bout of Writer's Block. **JOY.** Anyways, I hope you all are having/have had a safe Christmas/ Hanuka/ Kwanzaa/ any other winter holiday I forgot/ New Years, and enjoy this silly excuse for an Itame fic. As always, lots of comments and constructive criticizm are welcome and loved, while flames shall be used to slow-roast Fei Wang Reed.

Ah, and if you were curious, the title is referring to revenge. You know, the saying that goes something like, "Revenge is sweet"? Well, if you think about Kisame's little quirk that I mention, it isn't nearly as sweet as..._other_ things...

**This fanfic is dedicated to three people: L (you know who you are, love... X3 ), for sharing my love of Itame, keeping me awake, and giving me someone to talk to when I've needed it the most; SnowDarkRed, 'cuz I owe her a birthday present, and am so thankful for her friendship that it's just too difficult to put it into words; and Dana-sempai, 'cuz she's just so friggin' AWESOME, and has been one of the best friends a girl could ever wish for. Love ya all!**

DISC: Ah swear, if j00 stoled mah chocolate, Kisa-uke...(shakes fist)...er, Naruto no mine. So stop stealin' mah college munnies; I kinda need it. Now if you will excuse me, I'mma gonna go run off and cosplay 'tachi-san just for the fun of it. (skips off while humming "Manatsu no Yoru no Yume")

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**Sweeter than Chocolate**

One little-known fact about Kisame that Itachi discovered almost immediately after being paired up with the shark-like ninja is that he has a _major_ sweet tooth. A bit absurd when you look at all of Kisame's shark-like characteristics: he ate once every two or three days, was _extremely_ sensitive to the scent of any and all body fluids, had hypersensitive hearing, rarely made any sudden movements unless in combat...heck, he even had the _teeth_! There was also that one occasion when he mentioned something about "mating season," but that's another story. The point is, Kisame the shark-man loved -of all things!-_ chocolate._ Sure, Itachi thought it unusual at first, but he never questioned nor thought much about it (after all, he had seen how Kisame had reacted when the last moron made a snide comment about the Mist ninja's mother, and personally, Itachi would rather not be on the recieving end of such raw fury).

Until now.

While on their latest "mission" a day or two ago, they had narrowly escaped a fight with a pair of particularily skilled shinobi. What the point of the "mission" was was lost to Kisame and Itachi as they limped back to the "base" (if you could even call it that), beaten and bruised. It was very late at night when they finally returned, much to the Leader's irritation. That had been just an hour or two ago.

Like so many other nights before, Kisame was planted in his favorite spot on the bed right before the television, half-eaten bar of chocolate in hand as he watched some bizarre anime involving alien chicks and people getting hit with electric guitars and/or Vespas. And, as always, the volume on the television set was turned up as loud as possible. Now, Itachi could normally ignore this -he'd be out like a light before you could blink, if he so desired- but not this night. No, for whatever reason, the younger boy simply couldn't tune out the constant stream of screams, crashing, guitar twangs, and meowing that blared through the walls, out the air vent, under his bed, _in his head..._

No more.

A few seconds later, the shark's door flew open, a bed-headed Itachi gripping its brass handle so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. Kisame, of course, did not notice his partner's rude entry, and continued to chew away at his beloved chocolate as some wierd, pink-haired girl dressed like Elvis Prestley showed up on the television screen.

"_Goddammit, Kisame!_"

No response. Perhaps he couldn't hear the Uchiha's infuriated shrieks over the sound of his own chewing. Itachi was just about to repeat himself in a louder, more shrill tone, when he it finally hit him.

_He's left himself open..._

A devillish grin curled into existance on Itachi's face as a plot for revenge formulated in his sleep-deprived brain. Now, Itachi was by all means an evil little bastard when he wanted to be, and now was just one of those moments. Kisame was so absorbed in the mindless chatter of the pink-haired girl that his keen ears couldn't even _hope_ to pick up the sound of Itachi stealthily approaching his bed; he didn't even hear or feel the mattress groan and shift with a new weight. Kisame kept his eyes and ears focused on the television screen as he swallowed, then lifted the chocolate bar to his mouth...

_Then he dove in for the kill._

A loud _snap_ as the shark-like ninja bit clean through, followed by the clatter of the remaining chocolate bar hitting the floor, having fallen from a blue hand gone rigid with shock. Amber eyes flew wide open as he nearly choked on the small piece of unchewed chocolate in his mouth. Soft lips whispered over the back of Kisame's neck, grazing his skin with teeth and slick tongue every so often. An arm came out of nowhere to curl under and around his torso, a hand coming to rest on his stomach, fingers tantalizingly close to his navel. A warm body slightly smaller than his own pressed against his side. Meanwhile, the pink-haired girl, now in nothing but a bath towel, was towering over some poor boy on a bed, their faces just millimeters apart. A slight gasp or moan managed to escape Kisame's lips every once in a while as he arched his neck into the warm pair of lips attacking every inch of skin they could reach. The kissing and nipping stopped momentarily, and as Kisame whimpered in protest, hot breath furled over his ear.

"Kisame..."

He wasn't surprised at all to hear the other's voice, and he murmured as he began to turn his head to better see his partner, piece of chocolate falling out of his mouth and onto the floor, "Ita-"

A split second later, Kisame was wrenched onto his back, the hand that had been on his stomach now gripping his wrist while the other kept his opposite shoulder pinned down. The raven-haired shinobi now straddled the Mist ninja, and just as the television speakers exploded with the firing of BB guns, Itachi leaned down to whisper, voice dripping with venom,

"Turn. It. Down. _Dumbass._"

Kisame could only stare at the furious Uchiha, beady shark eyes wide, as he gasped for air; it wasn't that easy to breathe when a Sharingan-user molested your neck before knocking the wind out of you while flipping you over, then decided that your diaphragm would make such a _lovely_ seat. The shinobi of the Mist breathed once he remembered how to do so, "...I'm sor-"

And Kisame was abruptly cut off when Itachi crushed his mouth against his own, forcing it open with his lips and slipping his tongue in to explore to its content.

All in all, Kisame got what was coming to him; Itachi made _sure_ the shark-like ninja would feel it for about a week after.

**

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KUDOS TO WHOEVER CAN NAME THAT ANIME!!! XD**


End file.
